my life;;

why why why?!?!

why does this always happen to me?

okay,,screw him.

whatever! alright...

i like called him and he was

like, "Hello?" and i was like,

"Hey! What's up?" and he was like,

"What do you want?" and i was like,

"Just wanting to know what you were doing...

are you OK?" and he was like, "Whatever,fuck you." and hung up.

wtf was that for? i'm pissed at him;;and the

other thing is;;i could hear his girlfriend in the background. haha;;i bet she was telling him to say that;;she's a hater! i love my haters;;they make me famous! haha;;but he hurt my feelings;;so i don't know if i'm gonna talk to him right now. i'm a VERY sensitive person;;i cry over dead flies. yea;;wow! but i don't care if you think i'm dramatic or a cry-baby;;i'm not;;just VERY emotional;; and yes;;i am EMO;; and i don't care if you think i'm a freak or whatever;;i'm just going through a VERY hard time in my life;;right now;;i could kill myself if i wanted;;but i choose not to;;no..i do NOT worship the devil;;i'm a christian;;jesus has my heart and he will forver and eternity;;i have 6 sisters and 1 brother;;i'm the oldest;;and the most expected to do bad stuff;;because of the way i dress;;i guess my mom thinks i'm a bad kid because she doesn't like ANY of my friends because they hace piercings in their face;;or visable tattoos;;but whatever;;she doesn't know them like i do;;and they are great people;;my parents are divorced and they both talk shit about one another to me;;it drives me crazy;;i hate it;;everything is a lie that comes out of their mouths;;i hate it that they can't get along atleast for ME. but that's alright;;i guess so;; i am abused;;verbally,and physically;;physically mostly from my dad and verbally from my mom;;she calls me worthless,dumbass,stupid,bitch,emo kid,razor,cutter,and lots more;;my dad beats me over the stupidest of crap;;even if he THINKS i'm being mean to one of my sisters;;he beats me really hard;;i can't stop it until i can move out;;when im 18;;if i can. but i am really scared,jumpy,depressed now-a-days.my friends worry about me all the time;;i practically live in my bedroom;;if i even come out;;all that shit happens and i can't take it any longer! i wish i was never brought into this world;;i don't have a purpose here;;i'm worthless;;i'm just taking up space and breathing other people's air;;even some of my teachers treat me different because of the way i dress and look;;discrimination?;;uhh...yea;; i cry atleast 13 times a day;;i'm not playing around either;;i wake up and start crying because of my mom;;and i fall asleep crying;;i really hate this world;;i wish i could go to Heaven and spend the rest of my time with My Savior;;i see Jesus every day;;and talk to him;;my mom thinks i'm crazy because she doesn't see him and i guess it looks like i'm talking to air;;but i'm not;;call my whatever you want but it's not true;;i am me and nobody can change that;;and the messed up thing is,my other sister,she's a prep and my mom LOVES her. she gets here anything she wants;;it's screwed up;;i do all the cleaning and occiasionly the cooking and all my sister does is sit on her lazy ass on the computer and gets fucking fat;;the only really person on my mom's side of the family who doesn't really treat me that bad is my step-dad;;he's pretty cool;;but as i was saying about my sister;;she and my mom orders me around like a slave;;i know you guys are thinking, "Wow,she's feeling sorry for herself. That's selfish." well,i have a right to if you haven't noticed;;but i know alot of people have it worse than i do;;so i try to suck it up;;but i'd rather live in a cardborad box and have cancer or something than be in this situation i am in right now;;that's sad, huh?but it's the truth;;i deeply,truely hate my life;;all i have that makes me better is my music and skateboard;;when i skate;;it's like i forget about everything that's going on and just focus on this trick or something;;when i listen to my music, i get lost in it;;it makes me think of good stuff;;even if it's screamo;;which i only listen to most if the time;; :D ;;i absolutely love my board and my music;;

also;;my friends;;when i'm with them;;i'm totally different;;i'm myself;; not who i am at home when they see me;; i'm fun and hyper;;and i like that feeling of happiness;;it's better than the feeling of depression or sadness or hate;;but i get scared really easy when i;m with either my mom or dad;;i;m always distarcted by little things;;i sweat;;i breathe heavily;;one time i even passed out;;last year;;i didn't get anything for Christmas from my parents;;they literally hate me;;i just know it;;that's why i cut myself;;i have so many scars it's not even funny;;i almost got my main artery once;;but i was lucky and didn't;;you know that song by Hawthorne Heights-Ohio is for Lovers? well,that part in the chorus when they say, "So Cut My Wrists and Balck My Eyes,so i can fall asleep tonight,or Die." ;;yea,i wish i was that lucky;;sometimes i just want to fall asleep and never wake up;;i've ran away about three times;;attempted suicide twice;;gun shot and over-dose;;but i couldn't do the gun thing but i did over-dose and go out in the hospital for...i don't know how long but it was long enough;;

but i'm gonna go;;and quit complaing;;ttyl!